I have hoped, I have planned, I have striven, To the will I have added the deed; The best that was in me I’ve given, I have prayed, but the Gods would not heed. I have dared and reached only disaster, I have battled and broken my lance; I am bruised by a pitiless master That the weak and the timid call chance. I am old, I am bent, I am cheated Of all that youth urged me to win; But name me not with the defeated, To-morrow again, I begin. —S E Kiserg
I sat with the stars on the hill of life And looked at the world below. I ran with the winds where winds begin And followed them where they blow. I lay by the sea on the beaten rock And rode on the farthest wave, I watched by a child on its night of birth And followed it to its grave. And love in the still of the star flecked night, When earth was all strewn with gold, Has lifted my heart like the chords of a song Oft sung in the worlds of old. And although I have not understood all this, Made up of a laugh and a wail, I think that the God of the world knows all, And some day will tell the tale. —Max Ehrmann
Judging others is, unfortunately, an easy process. We all have our personal values, beliefs, and expectations; they are etched in our sub-conscious. Therefore, they are always at the forefront of our attitudes and behaviors. These are the standards that we usually wish everyone else in our world also adhered to. Not usually the case though, is it? The more another’s values, beliefs, and behaviors mirror our own, the higher on our approval scale they rate. Of course, the opposite is also true. The further away from our standards others are, the lower they rate. We have now judged!
We typically choose one of two manifestations of judgment:
Private – We judge, but the judgment never leaves the confines of our own mind.
Public – We either verbalize or act out our judgment. This happens either with others, but behind the victim’s back, or worse, in the victim’s presence. Why is it worse in their presence, because now we have embarrassed, if not downright belittled our target. We may even have risen to the level of bully without realizing it.
Further, lest we forget, as we judge others against our standards, everyone else is likely doing the same to us. Well, that just doesn’t seem right, does it? After all, we’re the ones who are… Oh well, you get the idea.
Want to get better and feel better… and Give Yourself Away this coming year without cost? It’s easy. Just refuse to criticize or belittle anyone, for any reason, ever again. Replace it with tolerance and validation. Look for the good in everyone, then compliment or validate it, and them. It may not be easy at the start, but it’s doable for everyone. Not only is there no cost, there are huge benefits.
First, for the other person, you may well be lifting their spirits and feelings of self-worth, and brightening their day.
Second, you will likely become more respected and admired, as well as perceived as a leader. Further, you will eliminate the subtle negative withdrawals that judging others does to your own self-esteem, and replace them with positive deposits to your self-worth.
What a great New Year Resolution this would make.
Here’s what other wise men have to say on the matter:
From Dr. Wayne Dyer, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
From the bible, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged…” —(Luke 6:37)
From Max Ehrmann (part of the ‘Desiderata’) “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself…”